Hopefully Boring...

There is this fine line to dance around. With every bit of what seems to be good news, I am hit with the reality that I am still only 24 weeks pregnant. Just barely over half way of a normal full term pregnancy. The fact that babies can sometimes live outside a womb at this age is unimaginable at times. Yet, in my daily walk here I tend to think yeah, 24 weeks, our baby could be born and maybe live.

Jake and I also find ourselves dancing around our emotions too. We feel numb. Waiting for the emergency that is going to happen. We have to save our energy for that moment. We can't even start to hope because of last time or start to grieve because we have to save our strength. Last time, we were engulfed with all the statistics. This time we don't want to revisit those. We still remember all the numbers and frankly, we were on the wrong side of them last time. We aren't laking in confidence in our Lord. We know his ways are set, still proclaim his ordnance of all, and know his goodness and kingdom purposes are being fulfilled.  We just feel "here". Taking one day at a time and praying for strength for that one day, knowing whatever will come will be ordained by Him. There are numerous times in a day that I think to myself "ya, I could be here for a few more weeks, no problem." Then the next moment I think "There is no way I am going to make it another few hours".

I had my first ultrasound on Monday. AND we are having a boy!~ exciting times:) He looked fairly good. They estimated his weight at 716 grams (needed to be over 600 grams for certain instruments to be used in the NICU).  His overall growth was in the 67%, which compared to to Hailey's 7% we are grateful. My placenta still looks fully attached and in tact, giving him the desperate nutrition that he needs at this time! There is no way to measure maturation of lungs, pulmonary systems, or brain functions, but we are placing those once again in the hands our of Healer. He is currently breeched, so we are praying that before it is time to deliver he will do a 180 and make a natural birth possible. His femur is measuring almost 26 weeks(what can i say, I grow tall Jansen babies)! There were also three pockets of fluid measuring 5.2 cm. AFI.(Compared to Hailey, they were never able to measure the fluid) This is pretty exciting too. It means that baby is still producing fluid and peeing it out so that he can then in return inhale it to mature his lungs! This was probably the most exciting part of the ultrasound. That fluid will then leak out, BUT he is continually making more. The more I leak, the more he makes, the better for his lungs.

So with all that great news we received from the ultrasound, we still feel the need to check ourselves and remind ourselves that he is still only 24 weeks(and three days).

We are loving all the love and prayers! I am so thankful for friends and family at home taking care of Jake and bringing Mason to his music classes, and checking in with both of us! My mom went home yesterday. She had been such a great comfort and is already greatly missed. So if anyone is in Seattle, stop on by. I would love to see a familiar face!

I leave you tonight with a song that I listen to frequently by Kristian Stanfill called "Holding My World"

And this is Your world, you made it

And all of creation is breathing because You sustain it

Jesus, by your powerful word

You spoke out the earth and the heavens

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world in His hands

And these are Your days, you give them

All for Your fame and all for Your glorious kingdom

Jesus, You have ordained

All things to dwell in Your purpose

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world in His hands

And I am your child, beloved

And all of my days, my future is laid in your promise

Jesus, to the end of the age

I am not alone or forgotten

So I will not worry or fret

My God is the God who will never forget

All of His goodness and all of His promises

He's holding my world