26.4

I never knew that the number 26.4 would haunt me like it does. I always thought that May 20th would be the first time I would have to relive that horribly beautiful day I got to meet Hailey Joy. But, here we sit on February 11, 2016. Today I am 26 weeks 4 days. The exact amount of time we made it before Hailey made her entrance into this world. Today, there is a flood of questions going through my head. Primarily, will my body be able to make it past this point this time around? Is my body able to keep this child in longer? How long can I make it? If he were born today, what would happen? Am I ready to go through this whole process again? I just went on a walk through the halls of the labor unit(something I try to do four times a day) and there was the NICU box that they transfer a preemie baby that is born up here down to the NICU sitting in the hall almost in the exact spot it sat for Hailey. I almost went faint and cried. I know that the Lord will give me strength when it is our turn, but thinking about it is so very daunting. Our Lord holds me, Jake, and this precious boy in His hands. Ready to give rest, peace, joy, and healing to all of us. Today we are resting in the knowledge that God knows when and all that will happen, and has it all ordained for His glory.

A friend shared this lullaby with Jake and I and we want to share it with all of you on this day, a very odd day of remembrance.  Obviously dedicated to our sweet sweet Hailey Joy.

https://www.facebook.com/craig.aven.3/videos/vb.622867619/10153464588462620/?type=2&theater

Copy and Paste above link to listen

Perfect Way To Start
By: Craig Aven

I guess I'll have to wait
To hold you in my arms
But God knows how I've held you in my heart
It hurts to think that it may be awhile
Before we see how beautiful you are

And you may not know, but all our kids have songs
And though you have flown way for now
Daddy's still going to write you one

Usually lullaby's don't make mommy's and daddy's cry
But we're both sad and overjoyed to know that Jesus holds you tight
Baby you made us proud
We smile just thinking about
How you left and your first steps will be on holy ground
Be still my heart, heaven's the perfect way to start

I have to say I'm fighting just to sing
Cuz the Angel's get to teach you how to sing
And mommy had your room all ready
With shade of blue and green
But she knows nothing can compare to all you've seen
What a sweet, sweet day its going to be
When you play with your brothers and sisters together on golden streets

Usually lullaby's don't make mommy's and daddy's cry
But we're both sad and overjoyed to know that Jesus holds you tight
Baby you made us proud
We smile just thinking about
How you left and your first steps will be on holy ground
Be still my heart, heaven's the perfect way to start.