I think it's Wednesday...

With every day being so vital and important you would think I could keep my days from blobbing all together. Today is Wednesday, May 6, or so that is what my Patient board in my room tells me. It also tells me that I am 24W 4D. I have made it four days past the 24 week mark!!! Praise the Lord. Every day the baby stays in the womb during this week increases the chance of survival by 3-4%! I had a friend text me a couple days ago and it said "Another day down, I'm marking 4 days off in the NICU!" I have adopted that counting instead :)

My days are filled with bouts of worry, peace, loneliness, and joy. My day usually starts out with a wake up call around 6:30 for my first dose of antibiotics. A huge praise is that I am off all IV's! I was started on antibiotics through an IV to fight off any signs of infection. I finished those yesterday! Now, I can take them in pill form. I successfully finished my first round of steroids for baby's lungs! The steroid played with my blood sugar and I was poked every two hours to make sure no insulin was needed. As exhausting as that was, I am now done with it and my sugar levels are back to normal, bring on the cookies:) I have to be monitored three times a day for a minimum of one hour. This is when all of my joy, worry and loneliness comes. It is such a joy to hear that sweet thump through the monitor. My heart bursts and I usually can't help but smile. It is also the time when I worry the most. Lately the heart beat has been dropping. Last night it got to 80-90 bpm, from an average 150. Those are the times I try to sing, move, or do anything to get that little one back up. When this happens, I have to be monitored longer to see if it is a sign of distress or a random happening. Last night it was happening about once an hour, pretty consistent, which meant a longer monitoring time for me. In those times I have to remember what my mom told me last week. I was telling her I wished there were certain things I could do on my own to keep the baby safe, healthy, and inside me. She assured me with this, "Amy Joy, I wish I could too, but I can't and neither can you. It is out of our hands and in the hands of the One who far more capable than either one of us." So much easier said than done. To trust the Lord, to truly live my life, this circumstance, with complete surrendership to His plan is a minute by minute surrender. In those moments when I wish I could do something or even think I can do something, I am learning to calm myself and realize, even if I could do something, it would be incomparable to what the Lord has planned. And when the Lord meets me in those moments, I have peace.

JAKE COMES BACK TONIGHT!!! that will help with my loneliness :) So glad he could be with Mason, but I am even more glad he gets to be with me again for a couple days.

Waiting In Him,
Amy